Monday, January 31, 2011


Okay yes stress this is what has been on my mind. Seeing as it is pronounced upon my forehead. Really. Yes. Okay so I never break out and I have been stressed out of my mind. It hasn't even been over school... so that's a lie... a little bit of school ya know I do have a test tomorrow and a test on Wednesday and on next Monday. Oh the joys.
But really I feel like I am just being stretched and pulled, from what I want to do, need to do, should do, and imagine doing. As you can tell I can't think straight seeing as I am incoherent! Which does happen often now... awkward. See just the rambles of my mind.
Okay back to business. I have just been so stressed with the classes I am having to take, the dance I want to do but can't next fall because I will most likely be the intern for the admissions and scholarships office, also how am I going to afford two semesters this summer? That's not all I think of where am I going to transfer? Could I get into BYU or should I go for Weber? Or you do know that the U and UVU has amazing dance programs.... where on earth should I go? Then there are times where I think "Dance is so much work, you can just change your major and just go down an easier road ya know." then the other side of my brain thinks "How on earth could I not do dance? How could I live without it?" And this is the side that wins because I can't think of anything that I would rather do in my life then dance! Okay maybe getting married in the temple and having kids is up there. Okay that is more important. But ya'll know what I mean....
Anyways I just feel stressed. That basically sums it up :)
But literally I feel like this....

Friday, January 28, 2011

Days 19, 20, and 21

So nicknames that I have had or had.
It's interesting because I really don't have many nicknames at all... but here we go :)
1. Jen
2. Jenanana (this one given to me by a school friend and now that's what my sister calls me every time I call home)
3. Jennapooh (named by my dad. We kinda had this obsession with winnie the pooh and I think that's just how it stuck hahah)
4. Sterrrt (Mannnn I got that name on the Church History Tour by my fantastic friend Suzy and then it kinda stuck only Jenni and Suzy call me it though. Not to big of a fan of it :P)

Someone I love :)
Mannn I really love so many people but one I really do love and I feel that I have gotten so close to lately with all the trials I have gone through is Christ. Really how can I not be close to him when he knows exactly what I feel and what I am going through. He is always there to help as long as I ask him and he will never steer me wrong. :)This is my all time favorite picture of Christ which is why I always put it up here. :) This is also in my room too :)

Something that makes me extremely happy man :) It's dance. I have to say it I am a dancer. That's the one way I can really express myself and show that I can dance my feelings away. It's the one place and it's the one thing where I can be anything and just let everything go even if it is just for that moment. This picture specifically though makes me excited :) When I was back at my old studio Ms. Alison created this dance that was on chairs and it was the most beautiful/terrifying/realistic/emotional/coolest piece I have seen. And I wanted to be in the piece so bad. Unfortunately there were a lot of other dancers that were better than me and I never got my chance to really shine, because I was so intimidated by the others. Now though I have my chance to create my own pieces and one of the pieces that is in my head is on chairs and I want it to be alive one day. So this is one of the reasons why I love this picture and why it makes me so happy :) My dream can live one day :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

In Love #2

Okay I know I posted not too long ago about how much I really love Boyce Avenue, but I found a new love for right now to obtain the emptiness inside... hahaha okay that was a funny way to say it. Ya'll know what I mean though. :) Anyways so it is Kate Voegele and it's her song Forever and Almost Always.
Yesterday, I was on Skype with my friend Brady and Taralynn and I was sorta running a competition to see who can give me the best song to listen to at that moment. Brady said Hey There Deliliah and then Taralynn said Jar of Hearts, which is one of my favorite songs, and so I told her that she won. Brady then came with a quick comeback and said Forever and Almost Always.
I listened and fell in love... again :)
hahah LOVE

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Love this :)

So in institute today we were talking about how things are unfair and how things aren't what we want it to be. So Brother Clark gave us this quote about trusting the Lord and doing His will. My goodness I had to write it down I loved it so much. Especially since I feel this is what I am going through.
"To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pas through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immedietly resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."
- Richard G. Scott
Like I said it's amazing isn't it :) I think it just touched me so much because in my life at this moment I am having to pray for strength and courage to keep going on the path. I know that this is what the Lord wants for me but it scares me and so just to know that this is his will and that on a day I would be having these thoughts and I get this message. Wow :) I love the gospel :) I really do.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 16, 17, and 18

So honestly I really wanna get this 30 day thing done and over with because I really just want to post about how I feel and what is going on in my life now. The 3o day thing needs to end so I am putting 3 in one hooray :) I am so proud!
Day 16 and 17
A picture of me. I am also gonna combine this with Day 17 because it works really :)
I would wanna switch with my roommate. It's funny because we are a lot alike... but then we are so different. Like what you say? She is into all medical terms and medical things... like the body and stuff... I can't even really talk about it without getting all grossed out. Really now. Where as I use creative things like my dancing and my music to express how I feel. She doesn't when she is upset she cries... and I don't... I think I may have problems hahahaha :)
Anyways I think I would love to switch with my roommate and see how it was how her mind works and how she can act somewhat like me when we are super social and crazy but then how she can go on to be an ultrasound technician. I think it would be cool :) And then it would be cool to watch how I act and to really see what I need to do and what flaws she sees that I could fix. I would love that for real :)
Day 18
My inspired dream. Really now it hasn't been long for this dream... okay so it's something I have wanted to do since I was a little kid, but it has changed so it's more realistic. Plus I kinda changed my major since I was going to do cosmetology. Anyways back to my dream I watch my dance teacher and how she is able to put her emotions and what she feels into our dances. She gets to see her art performed all the time and I believe that I would love that :) And when I say teach I mean actually go and teach at a university. I know it will be a lot of work and a lot of effort but it's what I love and who says that I shouldn't go for it huh? Plus the people I would teach would be there because they want to be there... uninspired people who are just there because irritate me. I want to teach because they want to be taught and they want to be better, just like I want to be better. I want to be able to create my emotion and show it like this. Does it make you cry... it does.
And I will tell you something else. I've always had these dreams... yes dreams, like actually sleepybye dreams... anyways, I always wanted to start a studio and not just any studio but a studio that has standards. A studio where they would perform to show the feelings of the gospel. A studio where they could perform and show trials that we go through. A studio where they could perform the love that we could all feel... I don't know if this is possible but I want it to be....

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 15

Shuffle on my Ipod... well it will be my Itunes cause I don't actually have an Ipod soooo here we go :)
1. Hollywood's Not America - Ferras
2. At The Beginning - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx
3. Bubbly (Solo Acoustic) - Colbie Caillet
4. Car Crash - Matt Nathanson
5. I Was Made - Michael Webb
6. Like A Knife - Secondhand Serenade
7. Where The Green Grass Grows - Tim McGraw
8. Cover Up - Imagine Dragons
9. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
10. Fearless - Taylor Swift

I have a good collection of music I do believe :)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 13

Dear Mom,
I wanted to write this to you to tell you just how grateful I really am to have you in my life. Ever since I was a little kid I knew of your faith and I knew how much you loved the gospel and me. I remember walking into your room when you were getting ready for bed and you would be on your knees. Your example to me is what made me who I am today.
I love you so much mom and I could never give thanks for what you have done for me. For taking me to my dance classes and supporting me in whatever I wanted to do. I don't remember you ever complaining for taking me to my 7 dances classes or coming to my performances when you had other important things that you had to plan. You always made sure that we were taken care of first and that you felt that you needed to support us in whatever we needed to do.
I love you forever and always mom at what you have done for me. I only ask that for one day I can be as good of a mom as you so that way I can take care of my future family too. I want to be able to have the relationship we have with my own kids. Where we can talk about things normally teenagers wouldn't tell their parents but I would always tell you. I want to be able to have my kids have the relationship we have. I love you mom and I can go on and on with this but it would be a novel! I love you :)