My Mission and Before

March 31, 2014

Hello all,

 

I have to admit this week was so hard. So hard. We got bunged a lot and people were just rude. I did learn a lot though and I am so grateful for all the tender mercies that have happened through out this week.

 

Monday: We had a lesson later that night with Andreea and the Olteanu Family. They are seriously some of my favorite people. They have so many trials and adversity but they are always so grateful and Sora Olteanu is always smiling. We decided to talk on the Restoration and Sora Uhl taught that. She did a really good job :) Then we talked about praying to know who to share this knowledge with. It's still really hard for members to give referrals and I'm really trying to ask and receive them. They agreed to try and then to keep us specifically in their prayers that we may find someone to teach. Overall it was a pretty successful P-day :)

 

Tuesday: We had a member present with Vali. I am so surprised with her all the time. She really is progressing. She does have a hard time understanding the scriptures, but I really believe it's starting to make sense to her. We decided to talk on the Plan of Salvation and really do it simply. I love teaching Vali. She is so patient and really absorbs what we say. The spirit was there and with that I feel like we did what we could to answer her questions and for her to understand what we believe in. It was nice with Andreea there because Andreea is the Young Women's President and so with this she may start coming to church more since she has a connection to the church. We will see.

We did some contacting and I just have to admit, I have been getting so burned out on contacting. It has just been so hard. So so hard. After all this time I thought it really wouldn't affect me anymore being denied or having people tell me that I am wrong. But gosh, it's so much harder especially since I now understand all that they say. So I have definitely just struggled in this aspect.

We went over to English class where we had one student. Sora Uhl and I both agreed that we can not do that again since it was a male and he basically chewed out Sora Uhl for being too shy. Ummm no. I was pretty upset since obviously as sister missionaries we aren't going to flirt with you dude! Duh. He's the Elders investigator and we had to tell them after that one of them has to be in our class if he is there. It was just not nice and inappropriate. Ughhh men.

 

Wednesday: Started our with contacting. Still struggling. That was a really really hard day for me actually. I felt that I really was just burning up with no motivation to talk to people it was horrible. I felt so bad because I have Sora Uhl and I am supposed to help her and really support her and teach her. Gosh how much more is she teaching me though. It really wasn't a successful day with contacting at all.

We had a quick lesson with Andreea and then we went to see our other Recent Convert Ritta (she's been living in Jerusalem since October) and that made everything so much better. Literally it just made me really see my purpose and really look at what I am doing as a missionary. I know that all that we do really takes a toll... definitely more of a mental and emotional trial then anything else, but her lesson just opened my eyes.

She used to be Jewish. She was raised in Jerusalem and everything, did not believe in Christ at all. She would always go to church with her husband Petre, who is a member, but she did not believe in Christ at all. She started to meet with the missionaries and one night she had a dream. A dream that Christ was beckoning to her to come to Him, she was so cute as she told this story cause she kept saying no haha, but when she woke up she just knew that He was the Savior. She was reading the Book of Mormon, praying, continually went to church, would always talk to her husband, and she was baptized. People really are prepared.

 

Thursday: Well after all this talk of contacting, and after the lesson with Ritta, Wednesday night I literally just poured out my heart to Heavenly Father and just told Him,"That I am so sorry I have become complacent. That I have not desired their salvation about my comfort." I just poured out everything telling Him how scared I am to be denied again and again and again. How sorry that I am not being the best trainer I possibly can be. How inadequate I do feel in being a trainer. How grateful that I am that I have a patient companion who can see that I do have weaknesses just like everyone else, and she doesn't expect perfection from me like I do out of myself.

I ended up calling Sora Hill Thursday just to tell her what is going on so I can just talk to her about how inadequate I really feel. It was a huge answer to my prayer and her just telling me, "Sora Stewart, it is okay. We are not perfect. We will never do anything perfect. Your best changes and you have to change also. What worked for you at the beginning of your mission isn't what works for you now just change it up. Everything is okay and you are a good missionary." Gosh I needed that.

So I told Sora Uhl after all that I felt and we both agreed that we needed to make new goals everyday to meet so when we come home we can both just tell God that we did all we really could.

Thursday was great. It really really was. After Sora Uhl and I both just talked and really discussed things we could do to really be more motivated with contacting it was a wonderful day. We did get bunged by our investigator... *sigh* that's just a whole other story.

We contacting so much on Thursday and we met all of our goals. We were hit by such opposition though as people were MEAN! A women told me that I do this because I fear God. Well yeah, gosh I'm not perfect so yeah. I had to tell her though that even though I do fear God I love Him even more and that is why I do what I do. She told me I was crazy and I could do no such thing. Ummm excuse me?!?! I looked her straight in the eye and told her I know all that I teach about because the Lord has revealed it to me. It was just crazy. She kept telling Sora Uhl and I that it was all in our heads, that Christ really wasn't resurrected, and that we were wasting our time. Rude. So I just bore my testimony said have a good day and walked away. I really didn't want to fight with her because I just knew that I wouldn't be able to have the spirit the rest of the day if I did. We did contact the rest of the day with determination and we came home with absolute exhaustion. We both hit the beds and just couldn't move. I like that feeling :)

 

Friday: Did some more contacting. I mean a lot of contacting. Same thing happened a lot of opposition. You know sometimes I really just want to punch Satan in the face and just tell him to let go of these peoples hearts, because gosh they are so hard. So so hard. We were then again told that we were wasting our time and we were doing way to much to be saved. Basically this lady told me I need to go home, get married, have kids because that's what life is about. Yeah I agree. I told her we had to do this though that we had a purpose. She was not nice when we said that. She was so rude. Ughh. RUDE PEOPLE!

It literally felt like someone punched Sora Uhl and me in the gut. It also didn't help that Sora Uhl and I agreed to speak Romanian the entire day so it was just hard to vent. haha. Venting sessions help. We didn't loose our goal though and so we were still out we still contacted and w literally did the best we could.
We got bunged TWICE! What the heck. Ughh. Sora Uhl and I came home and just curled up on the ground. It really was a horrible horrible day. But it made me really grateful that I do have Sora Uhl. I do still have the Gospel. I really do know it's true. All that they say can not change the fact that I really do know who I am and what I stand for.

There were some silent tears that night as I said my prayers.

 

Saturday: Was a good day :) English class. The one guy didn't attend and Criscenti came into our class. It was pretty okay.

 

We found out about TRANSFERS! I AM STAYING HERE IN CONSTANTA! That means I will have been here for 7 and a half months! That's almost half my mission. The Lord just still needs me here that's for sure. I am really excited for all the new goals Sora Uhl and I have and all that we want to accomplish :)

We had a surprise lesson with Vali. We literally didn't know we had a lesson. Our lesson was very much directed by the spirit and Vali told us that she loved the Plan of Salvation. She really didn't believe in much of what would happen after this life but now it just makes so much more sense. She also told us that she feels so happy around us that she is always anxious and is just like "no I don't want to go." But then after she is always so happy and comes out even happier then before. :) I love the spirit and all that it does.

We talked about repentance and it really was a beautiful lesson. Vali has already had a powerful experience feeling forgiveness and she was very much wiling to try and apply repentance in her life. It was beautiful.

We contacting and I got to teach about 9 young girls about the Plan of Salvation it was a pretty cool experience. Hopefully we can meet with some of them again :)

 

Sunday: Like I said opposition in all things right? We come to church and our disfellowshipped member... the one who things missionaries are cannibals... walks up to the church building. She is no longer allowed in the building. She tends to attack people. Our branch president had the elders stay outside and guard the building and Sora Uhl and I had to lock the door so she wouldn't come in. She practically attacked Elder McAllister. It was so weird and pretty scary. They had to block her every single time a member would come into the building. One of our members had to leave and he didn't want her to get into the church so he had me help him jump out of the back window. Haha okay that was pretty funny, but that's how serious it got! So that's what we had to do the first hour. Finally she left. During this time I taught our only Young woman Alina about the Savior.

There maybe problems with crazy stories back home but at least this doesn't happen.

I ended up having to teach our Sunday School class in English. Yeah... ummm my brain doesn't know how to do that anymore. There were a lot of pauses because the words were coming in Romanian but these people didn't know Romanian. It was okay though. The spirit was there.

Other then that we went and did some contacting and met some really nice women we hope that we will meet them this week too. Praying for that. We need new investigators.

 

Well. That's about it for this week.

 

This week was honestly one of the hardest weeks on my mission. It was always a struggle. It was always great and then horrible. It was literally opposition in all things. I am grateful though that with all opposition there is always things that stay constant. It is my Savior. It is the Gospel. It is my Heavenly Father. How grateful I am to know these things.

 

I still have my struggles. I still struggle to contact and to talk to complete strangers and have them reject me. I still struggle loving them. I do love them. It's just hard to sometimes. I am still so weak. I thought missions were supposed to make you strong? Haha. Just kidding. :) I do feel stronger but also so much weaker. Literally I can do nothing without Heavenly Father and I know that the blessings this week is that we were able to reach so many of our goals.

-We talked in Romanian the entire day, even though it was so hard and we both just really wanted to vent.

-We contacted for 20 hours this week. With lessons. No matter how many rude people there were we still kept going.

-We gave out all the supplies that we wanted to.

 

It really was a great week. I love my life. I love my Savior. I love this Gospel. I love all that I have learned and all the experiences that have come from this week.

But oh goodness am I glad that it's a new week. The beginning of a new transfer and Sora Uhl and I are still together :)

I love you all.
Sora Stewart