ehhhhhh

So I feel like I have been slacking a ton on blogging. So apologies there. But right now I just have things on my mind that I think I should just put everything down and try and compose it all. So I think that I am just going to just number them down.
1. I feel that conference today has been amazing. Lately I have had a lot of feelings about pursuing what I want with dancing for the rest of my life and traveling. So I have been thinking of just putting off finding anyone that I want to spend the rest of forever with and putting off having kids. With all the thought of today and how we should get married and have kids have really put things in perspective for me. I have realized what is most important, but just because I have realized that I should get married and things doesn't mean that I am just going to jump into the pool of marriage. Not ready for that. Overall though, with conference it made me happy :) I can never get over this of how much I love General Conference. Every single time :)
2. Boys. Now this is one of main things that is in the back of the mind of almost every single girl, especially any single LDS girl here. I never realized before I got into college how different dating would be. Because now... whoever I date it actually matters. No high school fling. It all matters because now, whoever you date you could actually marry. So no pressure or anything to make a wrong decision and fall in love with someone you know you could never end up with. Or if you did end up falling in love with someone could you ever have the courage to break it off? These things swarm my head all the time and maybe it wouldn't be such an issue if I lived in Provo or somewhere else in Utah honestly. I live in the least populated town of LDS people in Utah. Crazy right? Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to live there or another BYU. And not only this but you have to consider whether or not you want to actually date an RM or if you want to date a Premi (Premissionary) because either way you have to prepare yourself. Either to possibly be engaged and fall in love or to possibly fall in love with a person who is going to be gone for 2 years and then you have to depend whether or not you are actually going to wait. And with the whole waiting process who says that they will wait too? The whole process is difficult and extremely frustrating.
3. Dance Ensemble and Ambassadors. I am stressed honestly stressed. Do you want to know why? I have never had a busier couple of weeks. This week I have Ambassador training, Dance Ensemble rehearsals from 5:30-12:00 every single night, and then I have the show. Not to mention that the pieces I am in... yeah well they aren't finished yet. Scares me. ya know?

Things

I literally have so much going on in my brain right now that I think I just need to somewhat relinquish it.
- Dance to me is a stress and then a relief. I go to the studio and stay there for hours when things go bad.
- My toes up all the time. All I have to do is just squish them and they all crack.
- I love it when someone stretches my feet out. LOVE IT :)
- I think I may have a serious problem with shopping. Is there really shopping anonymous? I may have to go.
- I wish my roommate Jess and I were the same size. We would have a never ending closet of options :)
- I am so grateful in my life. I have been so blessed.
- I hate hate hate hate HATE being late. I'm dead serious I am never late so when I am actually late I get upset.
- I am in love with someone... his name is Joshua Radin. :) I love him. I do :) I don't care that he is like 20 years older than me ahhahahaha
- I wish that we could have dogs in our dorm. I love dogs :)
- I wish I were tanner.
- I love guy names for girls. :) I just read this book where the girl's name was James. I LOVE IT :)
- Sometimes I really don't think that people think before they talk. It's embarrassing.
- I don't think that people should post everything on facebook even if they are joking. It can be offensive and I think that it shouldn't be out there.
- I would never want to be part of a sorority.
- I don't know where I want to transfer anymore... It makes it kind of stressful for me.
- I need a job. Bad.
- I really hate it when girls suck in the dramatic life. It's annoying.
- I'm glad I have Jessica in my life.
- Dating scares me sometimes... I like to go on dates though... is there a way to have it all???? haha
- I'm so grateful for my family. They are the greatest they really are :)
- I don't like the cold...
- I just want to lay out on the beach in the sun with no worries.
- I'm glad that I have so many books :) Its my other world of escapes :)

Job

I need job. Bad. Things are expensive and honestly I have the worst luck and things happen to me. For example last night went to Provo to visit my cousin and I parked my car for honestly 10 minutes. I come out and guess what they put a thing on my tire. And you know what they fined me 65 freaking dollars. I was livid.
I am okay with my expenses. I shop for food and pay for gas usually most of the time and that's honestly about it. So when things happen where I have to pay for stitches in my finger or I have to pay for this thing on my tire I freak out. Because my bank account just drains and I then again am just a poor poor college student who desperately needs a job. Even if it was just little little money. I still need it bad.
So now I sit here and I think of everything I need to do and I panic and think how the freak am I gonna do it all when I'm gonna starve??? haha no I'm really okay I'm not gonna starve but still I need a job.

Survey Fun :)

{one} do you wear holey jeans? if so, do you buy them that way?

So I have bought holey jeans and I don't think that I have any right now. Wait I have shorts that are holey :) Haha but it all depends on the deal really I buy them wherever :)

{two} do you get a full 8 hours of sleep per night?

Heck yes :) I totally do! I love sleep and I try to get enough sleep every night and I usually do. :) I love sleep :)

{three} what’s your favorite way to eat an oreo?

ummm ewww I hate oreos so I don't eat them.

{four} do you wear shoes in your house?

I'm more of a barefoot kind of girl. I would go barefoot or flip flops all year round if I could :) but if it's winter and I'm cold I wear my slippers :) These are mine :) LOVE THEM!

{five} who would you call first if you won the lottery?

I would never enter a lottery honestly. I think it's beyond dumb really. If I were to win a lottery though I would call my parents of course.

{six} have you ever been in a food fight?

Where lots of food is thrown? No haha where my roommate and I make cookies and had a flour fight oh heck yes :)

{seven} do you snore?

Lol sadly I do :( I also sleep talk and I guess I scream too says my dad. I'm just a ball of sunshine huh :)



{eight} do you know how fast you type?

I think it was like 85 words or something like that.

{nine} can you do a headstand (without using a wall)?

I can actually I have been practicing :) I can do cool things with it to... this is different from a hand stand though I can't do a hand stand though sadness :(

{ten} how do you like your popcorn?

Movie theater popcorn :) Or I either make my own kettle corn :) Or I just buy kettle corn :)

22 and 23 :)

really need to finish this dang thing and I'm almost done so I'm just trying to finish so ready :)
22. Something that makes me different from everyone else...
Hmmmmm.... this one is kinda hard for me to think of just because you know I usually will have something about me in common with someone or another. So it's not that I am exactly different from everyone else. A few things that I think do separate me from everyone else is that I am LDS... here in Utah it's kinda different because a lot of people are LDS. Back home though it was different, I was different because being LDS is more then just a religion. It's a complete lifestyle for me. Being LDS defines me for who I am. Another thing that I think makes me different from everyone else is just my creativeness. I can't draw or paint or write wonderful stories even though I do like to write sometimes. I think the dances that go on inside my mind and the emotion that I have while I dance and while I'm on stage is my art. Taking last Wednesday for an example, during one of my pieces that I am in which is the hardest piece I have ever been in for a couple reasons the emotional commitment that I have to have for this piece and the movements as it is on pointe. Anyways during this piece our teacher Mel was watching us and I just wanted this so bad and she could see it... she started crying... I started crying. The emotion that I have is who I am and dance is another huge part of my life. I love it.

Okay okay #23
Favorite TV Shows
1. Glee
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. House
4. Criminal Minds
It's late I can't really think anymore hahaha but this is it. I don't really watch a ton of TV so this is what it is.

Friends

So I have to say that I do have some of the greatest friends here in college. And right now I have to explain two of them. I swear we are the three musketeers we do everything together and it is never ever ever ever boring around them. Like for example right now they are running around the chair I'm sitting in playing tag. Not only that but they are just circling my chair. Weirdos aren't they? Yes, yes they are. James will always talk in Russian, and make up random raps that have to do with stealing babies. Yes that does sound creepy but honestly it's not too bad and it was way freaking funny. James also makes about 4 marriage proposals today... you may think that I'm joking but I just asked Jess and she agreed he really makes about 4 marriage proposals to me a day. I think maybe one day I just might say yes and really freak him out hahahhaha. That would be the greatest and funniest thing ever. James also gets a little grossed out and feels completely uncomfortable with anything dealing with sex and female reproductive systems. Hahaha I laugh at this just thinking about it. For example I will say that maybe I'm on my period or I'm having cramps and then that will start mine and Jess's conversation on periods or as we also call it TOM. Not explaining that for those that don't know. James also gets just as distracted as I do. I think we both have ADD. He can't just sit and do homework he gets beyond distracted. Like right now he was supposed to write a paper that I'm helping him with and first he played tag... and now he left to go get something from his room and really for no reason. Okay now on to Jess.

Jess is my best friend here. I tell her practically and basically everything. And if I don't she tackles me while I'm in bed and she is in her underwear. Let me tell you that was one of the most awkward situations of my entire life!!!!!!!! What do you do when that situation comes up??? Panic and put a Book of Mormon in front of my face that's what I did! Jess is always there for me and I love her to death. I like it how at night when we are reading our scriptures if I have a question or she does I'm not afraid to ask. Even if it is a dumb question and I'm just not understanding she doesn't ridicule me and make fun she answers it. We laugh all the time together and sometimes its just over ridiculous things hahahha like stupid ridiculous things. Most of the time I think we laugh at James though. Sorry I'm referring so many things to what is happening now but they are over and so that's whats going on. But James is rocking out to some music that he is listening to on his computer with his headphones in and then my music was playing Jack Johnson where me and Jess can hear it. James looked completely ridiculous rocking out to Jack Johnson Better Together. Come on now James get with it. Jess is also there for me just when it's stupid boys, serious issues concerning illness or death, or whether it's just me being in a bad mood. Last week I was sick and Jess wasn't afraid to get near me and she came and helped as much as she could. Maybe she didn't realize this but I did. I don't think Jess realizes how much she really does for me and how much she has influenced me and how much she really means to me. I think I really wouldn't have enjoyed college as much as I have if Jess wasn't here. She may not be my exact twin with creativeness and understanding stories within dances like I can, but we are alike in the way we act and if I didn't have her here I probably would be heading off to some other school.

Overall I am grateful for friends. My friends back home. My family friends. My dance friends. New friends. Old friends. But those two are the ones I hang out with the most. I'm not afraid to ask them anything and I know that if I needed anything that would be there for me in a second. There was a time not too long ago that one of our roommates was sick. We don't know exactly what happened but she passed out and she couldn't move from the floor. I was up way too late... much like tonight and when I was coming out to brush my teeth I saw her just on the floor laying there talking. She was talking to her parents about how she was feeling. I immediately came over and tried to help just giving her water and rubbing her back. Then finally I told myself that she needed a priesthood blessing because she still was just not feeling well. I knew James was down in his bedroom so I ran down there called him and told him what happened. Jess was with him and they both came running up the stairs because they were concerned. James went and gave her a blessing along with another friend and then Jess and I just sat with our roommate for a while with James just to talk to her and give her comfort. This is how important they are. They would be there for anyone and I love that. :) Thanks for being such great friends I love you both :)

Grandmothers

My Grandmother :) Honestly how wonderful are grandmothers, think of your own. They are amazing now mine I'm sorry but she is probably the most amazing grandmother in the whole world. My grandmother grew up in a strong family that loved the gospel. When she was little she was diagnosed with cancer in her leg and had to get her leg amputated. Now I remember when I was a little girl and I couldn't imagine how scared I would be or how much my life would be affected if I had to get my leg amputated. But my grandma she never let it affect her. She still grew up and went on a mission when she was 21, she went to college, got married in the , had six kids, was in all sorts of leadership positions in the church, went on another mission with my grandpa, and now she has 18 grand kids, and 4 great grand kids. Now this isn't even all that my grandma has done with her life, because she has done so much more but if I made a whole list it would take ages!
My grandma has always written us a letter even before email she would write everyone of her kids once a week to just update us and tell us how things are and she still does that today. My grandma remembers all of our birthdays and always sends a birthday card.
So now that I am on my own and am no longer with my mom where we would call her and wish her a happy birthday I called her on my own and wished her a happy birthday. I love my grandma. She is amazing and she makes me so happy especially since she always tells me how happy and proud of me she is. I love my Grandma :) Happy Birthday Love you :)